My nipple is on Facebook.
Buhtt sex?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
