i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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