last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
