ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
