Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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