I think I died a long time ago.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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