I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
