Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
