jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
