I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
