your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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