I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize