I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
