it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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