I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
