Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
