I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
