She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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