I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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