Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
