We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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