It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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