1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
