i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
