yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
