Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
