Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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