One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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