Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
