I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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