Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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