How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
