from now on my penis is your penis
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
