I must be too annoying 4 u.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
