it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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