I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
