K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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