halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
