we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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