...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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