I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
