I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
