theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
