dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Randomize
