2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
