How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
