she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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