can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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