youre lurking in front of me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i believe in u and ur pee
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize