He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
