i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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