how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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