we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize