My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
