great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
