it's too hot outside to masturbate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
