i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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