no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
