Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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