i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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