Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
