I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Randomize
