Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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