I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
