Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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