oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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