Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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