Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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