Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
