the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
