What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we made out on top of his cat.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
