If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
