yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
