I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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