dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
