You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
why do cheetos always look like penises
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
