Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
