Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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