i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
