He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
