and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
