you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
