i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
