what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
