she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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