She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am naked and annoyed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
