we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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