do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
