Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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