Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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