She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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