Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
