I think I died a long time ago.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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