I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
