I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Terrible idea I love it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
soo... how was my night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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