Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck appropriateness.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
