I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize