At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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