One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
