Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
