I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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