You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
