theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize