So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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