VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
